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Surviving Infidelity (part 1)

What do you perceive as infidelity in your relationship?

To some couples, infidelity may be watching porn or just chatting up someone else, and to others it has to be an actual sexual relationship. Cyber-sex and chat lines are another grey area for relationships. If your partner watching porn has been agreed to be okay, does that mean interaction with an online person is also acceptable? Is one slip okay, but not multiple affairs?

The short answer is that these days the word infidelity means whatever you and your partner want it to mean, in the context of your relationship. The important thing is, you both understand what is meant by the term.

So you both agree what constitutes infidelity but one of you has an affair. Emily M Brown, author of “Patterns of Infidelity and their Treatment”, suggests that there are 6 main reasons for someone to have an affair.

  • Conflict avoidance in the relationship where neither couple can stand up to each other
  • Intimacy avoidance in which they fight constantly
  • Sexual addiction
  • Split self where both partners have neglected their own needs to tend to another’s
  • Exit affair, in which one has decided to leave the relationship
  • Entitlement affair, in which one partner has devoted so much time to success that they think they are entitled to ‘reward’ themselves with an affair

All infidelity is serious because it severely impacts the betrayed partner. They may have had a role to play in the breakdown of the relationship, but they didn’t expect or want their partner to handle the situation in that way. It is probably the most damaging thing you can do to a relationship but the good news is, couples can survive infidelity and healing is possible in time. However, unless the affair has ended before counselling commences, it is unlikely that the partnership will survive.

Once the affair has ended, it is even possible that the relationship can be stronger and healthier than prior to the indiscretion, but a lot of work will need to be done with your therapist, to reach that place.

In the next LoveBites newsletter, I will look at how couples can survive this challenge, to find a closer and more loving relationship.

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J
from QLD
Your workshop was great for us and was what we needed to make a fresh start and turn our relationship around.

We'd recommend your workshop to any couple who are in trouble and want to rekindle their love!

Thanks again Carole
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J & M
from NSW
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Coronavirus (COVID-19) Update

The Federal Health Minister, Greg Hunt, has advised that “ALL allied health businesses nationally can continue working and are encouraged to do”. He has encouraged providers to continue vital face-to-face services where possible.

These are challenging times for everyone, but your personal and relationship issues continue to need assistance. My practice is still open for hypnotherapy and individual or relationship counselling, including Rekindle the Love workshops.

If you are sick or have come into contact with the Coronavirus at any point, and/or if you have recently been overseas, please stay at home and contact me on 0407 009 050 to reschedule your appointment.

The safety of my clients and wider community is of utmost importance to me, and my home-based clinic is fully compliant with the new social distancing rules and hygiene practices. I have ensured that appointments are staggered so that you and your partner, where appropriate, are the only clients visiting my practice, at any one time.

Video sessions are available for both individuals and couples, I have prepared a program for couples to complete a Rekindle the Love workshop, online. Read about the ‘Living, Loving & Surviving in Lockdown’ online workshop here.

Please contact me for more information.

Coronavirus and social isolation will add to existing pressure points on relationships, so don’t let your marriage become a coronavirus casualty.

Read the article by Hayley Gleeson of the ABC “How to stay married through Coronavirus“.

I thank you for your continued support in these uncertain times and know that together we will get through this.