couple in bed, back to back

My partner doesn’t want to do couple’s counselling

In my experience with counselling couples, it is rare that both partners are motivated at the same time to agree to couple’s counselling.

I am usually approached by only one partner, and decisions are often not made because the other partner has unaddressed concerns about counselling. To help you both make a decision, I have listed below some of the most common objections, along with my response.

If you are in a relationship and have a partner who is reluctant to commit to couple’s counselling, I suggest that you ask them to read this page.  If there are any other queries or concerns not addressed here, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

If it’s more convenient, I am happy to do a short free online video conference Q & A session with you both.

1/ Counselling is too expensive

Attending an intensive 1- or 2-day workshop, will certainly work out more economical than multiple weekly sessions and save you extra costs such as regular babysitting or time off work.

However, this is the most important question that you must consider, “Is saving my relationship more important to me than financial costs?”

2/ I don’t like / trust counsellors

Maybe you or a family member, have had a bad experience with a counsellor in the past. This is unfortunate and it will certainly affect your feelings about couple counselling. However, I am deeply committed to the concept of ‘unconditional, positive regard’ and my client relationships are both respectful and mutually rewarding.

3/ I don’t have the time for counselling

Both Relationship Rescue workshops are especially designed for time poor clients and are structured to supply intensive counselling over a short period of time.

Rather than trying to organise weekly appointments for several weeks, you will work through your issues and come away with a plan of action, after only 1 or 2 days. If time is a major issue for you, consider the 1-day Relationship in Crisis workshop as your starting point.

4/ We don’t need it, our relationship is fine

You are either in denial or else truthfully believe that everything is okay. However, your partner is unhappy enough to be considering counselling so if you care for them, listen to their concerns with an open mind.

5/ You are going to blame me / make me the guilty party

Maybe you have done something to badly damage the relationship, such as an affair. Your partner is hurting badly and inclined to blame you, but a couple’s counsellor acknowledges that there is always a story behind these actions and there is no place for blame in a committed relationship. Understanding and reconciliation are the aims.

6/ I am not really committed to this relationship

If you are already ‘half-way out of the door’, then you might think that couple’s counselling would be a waste of time. However, if you don’t make every attempt to discover if the relationship is salvageable, you will not find it easy to be able to walk away with a clear conscience. If after the first session it is very clear to me that there is NO hope of reconciliation, I will not hesitate to share this with you, and offer mediation to help you both separate in a manner that is respectful and as painless as possible.

7/ It’s not my fault we have problems, it’s all your fault because you…

It sounds as if there is a lot of resentment and hurt because of actions taken by your partner. However, there is always damage input to the relationship from both partners. (see item 5 above). A safe and neutral place will allow you both to explore the reasons behind the story.

8/ Counselling doesn’t work

There are no guarantees in any type of counselling and counselling couples is particularly difficult. However, I am experienced in dealing with many situations that a couple may present and have a history of positive outcomes with my couple clients.  If your partner wants to try this route and you still care about them, then agreement to counselling with an open mind is often the first step towards reconciliation.

10/ You wouldn’t understand our sexuality / culture / race

Everyone is unique and I don’t pretend to understand all of your cultural, religious or sexual differences, but I am experienced in working with people from many different backgrounds and lifestyles. If I don’t understand something, I will ask you if it’s important, but all clients have my ‘unconditional positive regard’.

11/ We are just going through a rough patch

It may be a ‘rough patch’ to you, but your partner is concerned enough to seek professional help. Maybe you are not aware how much this ‘rough patch’ is hurting them. Your partner is unhappy enough to be considering counselling so if you care for them, listen to their concerns with an open mind.

12/ Our problems are too embarrassing to talk about

I understand that personal problems may be very embarrassing to talk about with a stranger, but in my experience, once you start to talk then it is much easier than you anticipate. I am non-judgemental, open minded and you will not offend or embarrass me.

Remember, I am more than happy to have a short free online video conference Q & A session with you both, without any obligation.

You can contact me here.

Carole's workshops are Covid Safe
Carole's workshops are Covid Safe
We are going real well, probably better than we ever expected.

I personally thank you for making such a difference to my life and I know (S) feels the same.
Galah couple eating
from QLD
Your workshop was great for us and was what we needed to make a fresh start and turn our relationship around.

We'd recommend your workshop to any couple who are in trouble and want to rekindle their love!

Thanks again Carole
Galah Couple
J & M
from NSW

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Coronavirus (COVID-19) Update

Carole's workshops are Covid Safe
Carole’s workshops are Covid Safe

The Federal Health Minister, Greg Hunt, has advised that “ALL allied health businesses nationally can continue working and are encouraged to do”. He has encouraged providers to continue vital face-to-face services where possible.

These are challenging times for everyone, but your personal and relationship issues continue to need assistance. My practice is still open for hypnotherapy and individual or relationship counselling, including Rekindle the Love workshops.

If you are sick or have come into contact with the Coronavirus at any point, and/or if you have recently been overseas, please stay at home and contact me on 0407 009 050 to reschedule your appointment.

The safety of my clients and wider community is of utmost importance to me, and my home-based clinic is fully compliant with the new social distancing rules and hygiene practices. I have ensured that appointments are staggered so that you and your partner, where appropriate, are the only clients visiting my practice, at any one time.

Video sessions are available for both individuals and couples, I have prepared a program for couples to complete a Rekindle the Love workshop, online. Read about the ‘Living, Loving & Surviving in Lockdown’ online workshop here.

Please contact me for more information.

Coronavirus and social isolation will add to existing pressure points on relationships, so don’t let your marriage become a coronavirus casualty.

Read the article by Hayley Gleeson of the ABC “How to stay married through Coronavirus“.

I thank you for your continued support in these uncertain times and know that together we will get through this.